I’ve always believed that a person’s life is a book with a never-ending story. Or at least for me, the story ends only when a person draws his last breath. Sometimes, it goes even farther, especially when you leave so strong a legacy, that the people you leave behind would continue to tell your story for you.
My dream is to have my story told, even long after I died. My dream is to leave behind a story so moving, that it may have the power to change at least one life. Touch at least one heart. My dream is to tell stories through my words- in writing, and in lectures. My dream is simple. To be a writer, and to be an educator.
Tonight, I am claiming those dreams.
But the price I had to pay is too steep. I had to break my mother’s heart. Again. And I am so sorry, but I cannot stay one minute longer in this particular chapter of my story, my life. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.
I’ve spent four years pushing myself to do what you need me to do. I’ve spent four years working for you, with you. And I can’t anymore. So many doors have closed, so many opportunities I have missed. I cannot let this one go, because Ma, one day, they’d stop coming. And then where would I be?
I’m so sorry I had to leave you behind. But I have to run my own race. I’m sorry I can’t give you more time. It is selfish of me, but I have to go. I am so sorry. You have given me so much, and I am ashamed that I cannot give even half of it in return, but I cannot let my dreams wait anymore. They’re leaving me behind, and I can’t let that happen. I am so sorry.
I’ve breezed through so many chapters of my life already, and through it all, there’s always one constant character who stands by me, no matter what. Thank you, Buddy, for being the one constant person in my story. People may come and go, my heart would always break and mend, I would either win or lose, but I know that you would always be there for me. You are the one character that I would bring with me, up until the very last page. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Our promise, what was it again? Liliparin ang langit, gagapangin ang impyerno. Basta magkasama tayo, walang iwanan. I know you’ll be with me, even long after my book has been closed. Thank you so much.
Now, every book has its bookmark-worthy pages. Every book has its most memorable chapter. Bookmarks aren’t just for marking the last page you’ve read, so you can come back to it when you decided to pick the book up again; sometimes you’d put it on the page which touched your heart the most. Your favorite page, in other words. It is the page you’d always come back to, no matter where in the story you already are.
I’ve never once used bookmarks before, literally or figuratively, but in the story of my life, I’ve put that one single bookmark on the page where I met you, B.
There was a time where the story was at its most unbearable chapter. The pages were bleak, lifeless, and the words just flow into the pages, without making any sense at all. Turning the pages of my story was an unbearable task, because I know the next page would be as horrid as the previous one. And then one day, I turned it, and there was you.
And it was a new chapter. The best chapter I have ever had the pleasure to read and to live through. You made everything alright, and it is because of that, and every other little thing you do, that I fell in love with you. I loved you then, and I love you still. You gave me another reason to wake in the morning. There was a skip in my step that wasn’t there before. The sun was shining brighter, and the flowers were suddenly prettier. You put color in an otherwise gray life. I think, if I were to be honest, that it is because of you that I managed to get through each day.
Before there was you, I was rotting away, waiting for the day where I’d be able to break free from the routines of my life, and finally be able to live my dream. I was rotting away, because every day was another day for me to wait in vain. I couldn’t wait to leave. I couldn’t wait to finally run my own race, dream my own dream. Back then, if I left, I would have broken so many people’s hearts. And then you came, and you taught me patience. You made me smile again. You taught me love.
And every day is a new day for me to love you. As the song goes, Every day’s another first, another chance for me to fall in love with you.
I love you, B. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again now. I love you.
The chapter I spent with you was the best I ever had, and it would be a pleasure for me to bring you into the next, if fate so allows.
There is but one wish that dwelled in my heart tonight,
That I may live to see the days where eight months would turn to eight years,
And eight years
Would stretch to eight decades.
I want to see to it that the story written in eight pages
Would have enough words to reach eight chapters,
And that the eight chapters
Would continue on to eight volumes.
And, if by Fate’s command,
The days that I would draw breath
Would fail to reach eight decades,
If, by Destiny’s choice,
The ink would dry up
Without reaching eight volumes,
Keep in mind that the eight months
I shared with you are best months
Of my life.
And that even if I run out of days, or breath or ink,
Remember that my heart
Would beat for you
Even long after that eighth decade,
Long after you’ve turned the last page
Of the eighth volume
Of the story of our lives.
-For the 8th. 020410
Tonight, I am now turning the page again. I am now stepping into a new chapter. The pages are still blank, and for me, there is nothing more frightening than a blank, white page. Still, I am moving forward. I am now closing another chapter of my life, leave the bookmark where it is, and could only hope that the next chapter would be as good, if not better than the last.
I am the blackbird who took her broken wings to learn how to fly into the dark, black night.
I am the soldier who paid the steep price of freedom.
I am the dreamer, who dreamed a dream. But the dream will not turn into shame. The dream would be reality, because I said so.
Ma, I’m sorry.
Buds, thank you.
B, I love you.
I do hope that you would still be with me in this new chapter. There’s a better story waiting to be written. I hope, when I write it, I’d have the honor to write it with you still by my side.
It’s time for me to go, now. See you on the next page.