Samsara

In Buddhism, ‘Samsara’ refers to the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth that one has to go through, until he attains Nirvana, or the state of perfect bliss.

The Wise One said
That our Souls are ancient
And that all of us live through
More than one life.
He said that in all of these lives
We suffer
For our hearts desire too much
And our hands can hold
So little.

And as we suffer,
We shed tears that
Outweigh and overpower
The vast ocean itself,
For how many times
In how many lifetimes
Have we cried and mourned for
Those we have lost–
Mothers,
Fathers,
Dreams,
Kin,
Friends,
Then
Lovers?

How many times
In how many lifetimes
Have we walked this earth
Yearning,
Desperately searching for
Someone,
Something,
That could fill the emptiness
That each loss has carved
Deep into our souls?
Yearning is one’s
Greatest pain.
Wanting is one’s
Greatest agony.

As I take in His wisdom,
I begin to understand the depth
Of my ancient soul’s pain.

I wonder, Love,
How many lives I have lived,
And I wonder
How many of those lives
Have I lived with you?

I wonder if in any of these lives
I have died by the fierce fire of desire
Or if I have slowly withered away
Into nothing
As my soul desperately
Reached for yours
Only to grasp your fingertips
For a few short moments–
Then nothing else.

I wonder how many times
In how many lifetimes
Including this one
Has my soul yearned for yours,
While all you give me is the fleeting
Touch of your fingertips against
The rivulets of tears that run down
My face.

I wonder, then, for a fleeting moment,
How many more
Of this kind life I can take.

But then the Wise One said
That there is a way to
Deliver ourselves from this agony:
The only way to liberate ourselves
From this endless cycle,
He said,
Is to stop
Wanting
Yearning
Desiring.

I have to let you go.

To let go of this fire
That burns for you
Would mean to free myself
From the spiked chains
That bind me to this life
And this pain.
To let go of this heart
That beats For you
Would mean to finally
Die
And never again
Go through this mad,
Mad life.

But,
My love,
For all the Wise Words
That the Wise Man would utter,
I, for one, would choose to live
And die
And live again,
Wanting you,
Yearning for you,
Desiring you,
Aching for you.
And I would live and suffer
As many lifetimes as it takes,
Until I arrive at one
Where I can finally
Keep you
And call you
My Own.

Rebirth

To the One Who Would One Day Make My Heart Beat,

I would very much like to believe that we live more than one life, because if I cannot find you in this lifetime, then I could be comforted by the promise that I still have the next, and the one after that, and all others to come after, to search for you and finally have you.